Habits of the Household

Near the end of Habits of the Household, author Justin Whitmel Earley describes a chart he once made in which he graphed his age, along with the ages of his wife and four sons. Then, he projected all their ages into the future until the last son would be 22. Looking at it, he remembers "having a powerful sense that our time together was not forever…I sensed the Lord saying to me, 'Now is the time I have given for you to form them.'"

I am already at the far end of such a graph. My youngest son has two more years of college. And yet, I still found the book full of powerful ideas and insights for married couples, grandparents, or others involved in family life. But Habits of the Household would be most helpful to those in the early stages of the parenting journey or with children living at home. It would also be a good read for parents-to-be.

Earley presents a compelling and practical guide for intentionally shepherding the spiritual lives of families through small changes in daily rhythms and routines. As a husband and father of four, the author recognizes the hectic pace of family life in the modern world and offers a blueprint for imparting theological truths into children's hearts through all the facets of ordinary life together.

As he candidly shares stories from his home, Earley engages readers realistically and humorously. In telling how he and his wife connect things like eating, playing, and watching television to the spiritual realm, he makes spiritual formation feel possible for anyone to practice. As a lawyer, Earley lays out a good case for making changes in ten different areas of family life, from morning and bedtime routines to everything in between (discipline, screentime, work, play, conversation, and more). He begins each chapter with theological support and ends with practical ideas to try.

I especially enjoyed his dive into the liturgy of conversation. According to Earley, conversation is deeply connected to the spiritual realm because learning "to sit and talk with God is the pinnacle of human existence" (178). Human conversation gives opportunities to practice knowing and being known within the family. Earley explains how to pursue conversation around the table, at bedtime, in the car, and through other activities in a way that teaches friendship (with others and God) and promotes healing.

One idea I loved in the chapter on conversation involved taking out each child alone for a birthday breakfast. But rather than just enjoying pancakes, Earley suggests pulling out a notebook with a list of pre-written questions to ask. The question topics depend on the child's age and stage and could be anything from their favorite color to what problems they are facing at that moment. Earley records their answers in the notebook. What a unique and memorable way to make a child feel loved while demonstrating how to listen actively, “a rhythm that shapes us.” (181) Although it may be too late for me to try this with my grown kids, I look forward to trying it with any future grandkids.

Earley presents his thoughts and ideas with grace and humility, being clear that these are not prescriptive exercises for more parental work. He reminds readers that God redeems through His grace and accomplishes His purposes with or without us. Ultimately, the book is about seeing our weaknesses and resting in God's strength while pointing our children to Him. Still, Earley recognizes that parents are uniquely positioned to participate with God in His good work in our children. Why not capitalize on that?

Habits of the Household is filled with good ideas for taking the everyday moments of life with kids and being more intentional in cooperating with God. As Earley puts it, the book helps "…uncover different ways of letting God's grace guide our hearts – and our children's hearts – into new patterns of life together." (7) I highly recommend it for parents, parents-to-be, and anyone who is actively involved in the lives of children.

Earley, Justin Whitmel. (2021). Habits of the Household. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan.