Why Emotions Matter

In their book Why Emotions Matter, husband and wife Tristen and Jonathan Collins (with Melissa Binder) offer a helpful guide to how human emotions operate. The goals of the book, which I felt they achieved, are to instruct readers how to recognize better and wisely use emotions, but also to help move from reactive responses to proactive ones that lead to emotional health and flourishing and a deeper connection to God.

Because emotions are such an integral part of our human design, it would seem logical that we should intuitively understand them. But, to the contrary, many factors influence our awareness and experience of emotions. Our feelings are often hidden, confusing, and multi-layered, making it a challenge to identify, process, and express them in constructive ways that don’t lead to brokenness and suffering.

The authors highlight the fact that they are on opposite ends of the emotional continuum as a springboard for the topic. Tristen is a trauma recovery therapist who describes herself as “an emotive feeler,” someone who has strong feelings that she often expresses. Husband Jonathan, best known as the creator and co-founder of The Bible Project, considers himself a “rational skeptic,” a thinker who relies heavily on logic and who came into marriage resistant to emotional expression. They authentically share the joys, challenges, and value of emotional growth through their relatable personal experiences.

Using the metaphor of a car dashboard to explain emotions as signals, the authors outline compelling reasons why emotional health and maturity are vital to the health of our minds, relationships, and spirits. They also point out how emotions help us connect to God. Next, beginning with definitions, they evaluate six primary emotions (shame, fear, anger, sadness, jealousy, and happiness), sharing ways to recognize them, what problems they can cause, what value they bring, and how to appreciate each through a Biblical lens, with the ultimate goal of navigating them with wisdom. 

Using simple descriptions, clear explanations, and real-life examples, the authors show how emotions can be helpful indicators that offer clues about issues in our hearts and minds needing attention. Their alternating stories in each chapter give glimpses into the impact of emotions in real life.

A troubleshooting chapter offers helpful insights on complicating factors, such as past experiences, sleep habits, and even medications that can skew emotional awareness and expression.

In the final chapter, the authors explain other essential factors to consider in the quest for emotional health, such as the body, relationships, and the environment. They end with an encouraging reminder that emotional growth is a lifelong process and mistakes will be made along the way.

For readers wishing to go deeper, each chapter includes questions to consider alone or with a group. Because emotions can be a complex web and we all have blind spots we often have, it can be helpful to talk about this topic with others. It might also be beneficial to read the Bible along with Why Emotions Matter, particularly the Psalms (full of rich, emotion-filled songs that can be turned into prayers).

The only distraction for me in the book was the authors’ statement in several places that we are “co-creators with God.” Although I believe God made us to be creative, the Bible tells us He is the Creator. However, this assertion did not detract from the book’s value for me.

Readers who struggle to understand or express emotion or need tools for navigating relational challenges will benefit from this book. The material would also help couples and parents who wish to grow in relational understanding and reconciliation skills. As I read it, I wished “Emotional Intelligence” was a course taught in all schools. Although we are not all born with the necessary skills to be emotionally healthy (and we often suffer experiences that negatively impact our emotional health), such health is vital for relational, psychological, and spiritual flourishing. Why Emotions Matter is an excellent guide to getting started on the journey.

Collins, Tristen, L.P.C. & Jonathan Collins, with Binder, Melissa. (2019). Why Emotions Matter. Beaumont Press.