When I Don't Feel Thankful
Although I have endured some rough seasons, faced with heavy burdens that made gratitude feel elusive, I’ve begun to notice that it’s the vast array of minor annoyances that are more likely to stifle thankfulness in me. I know the Bible says to "be thankful always" and "be thankful in all things," but often, the day-to-day problems inherent to life seem to wash away my thankful spirit like rainwater getting sucked down a sewer drain.
For example, on a flight across the country during the summer of 2021, I experienced in the space of eight hours what felt like a metaphor for life sometimes: a constant stream of frustrating circumstances.
We had just completed a long, cross-country journey in a U-Haul, moving one of my sons to California. I was tired from the long trip and thankful to have the pilot drive us home. However, as soon as we were in the air, the passenger behind me started shoving his knees into my seat repeatedly. This continued throughout the flight. Across the aisle, a young boy played a loud, Vegas-casino-style video game for hours. Every time I tried to drift off to sleep, it sounded like he was hitting the jackpot. Then, halfway through the trip, I suddenly felt like my eardrums were about to rupture. What began as a perfectly normal and peaceful day turned into one irritating circumstance piled on another.
In the scheme of life, these are all minor problems. But sadly, it’s these seemingly small things that can eat away at our spirit throughout the day, eroding our sense of peace and ability to focus on what’s truly important. It’s easy to express thanks when everything is going right but much more challenging after an accumulation of negative circumstances. Whether sick kids, broken appliances, argumentative people, or unexpected expenses, life is full of woes.
On an intellectual level, I know that every day brings at least three significant reasons for thanksgiving: God's love, grace, and promise of eternal life. I also know that I have many earthly gifts for which to be thankful – home, family, meaningful work, food, and more.
It's just that it’s hard to keep my focus on these gifts in the often dirty, frustrating business of day-to-day living. The sludge of daily irritants tends to pour in, obscuring my view of the blessings like leaves covering a beautiful green lawn. And when I pray on those hard days, it feels more natural to grumble and complain than to give thanks.
Ironically, in 2020, a situation involving leaves threatened my sense of gratitude on the very day that Americans set aside to give thanks.
Like everyone in the United States, celebrating the holiday during a pandemic required creativity. We spent the actual holiday with my husband's family, where the unique circumstances drove us to dine in the garage with the doors open, our laps covered in blankets. The following day, we gathered with a small contingent of my family and friends to celebrate, having lunch on the patio so we could mitigate the risk of unknowingly giving each other the virus.
It was a beautiful, perfect weather day – chilly but not freezing. The fire pit emitted just the right amount of heat, the birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and the tables were set and spaced a good distance apart for each couple or family.
Most of my children were in attendance. Even one of our "bonus" kids was home from the Navy, another cause for thankfulness and celebration.
After the long, pandemic year of separation, stress, and weirdness, everything felt perfect as our six guests began pulling down the driveway. Feelings of peace and gratitude flowed like a river.
But just as everyone walked through the gate into the back yard, someone nearby started cleaning up leaves with a loud gas blower. Although it was noticeable, it wasn't too distracting, and I assumed they would wrap up quickly. However, within minutes, another blower started next door, then another in the neighborhood just behind us. The mayhem continued for the entire celebration.
Our idyllic little gathering of feasting and gratitude had turned into a cacophony of loud machinery, reverberating around the patio and putting a damper on the day like an army of ants invading a picnic.
Already sitting at tables spaced far apart and having some family members who had hearing difficulties, the noise of the engines made conversation almost impossible. We made the best of it, but it took what otherwise felt like a perfect moment in time, celebrating togetherness after a rough year, and added a hearty dose of aggravation.
Life is like that. Just about every day brings leaf blower situations that drown out the full realization of pleasure and peace. Whole days, or even seasons, can be colored dark by the myriad of hardships that they bring.
Learning to maintain an eternal perspective and constant gratitude amid such temporal annoyances and frustrations (or worse) doesn't come naturally – it has to be cultivated. And I’ve begun to realize that these daily irritants aren't the weeds that choke gratitude – rather, they are the compost in which it grows. The roots of thankfulness grow deeper and stronger when challenged by life's daily troubles. But only if they’re enriched by following God's guidance to practice giving thanks in all things.
By expressing gratitude on the "leaky faucet days," when aggravations are a constant drip, it becomes more natural to be grateful on the days when life hits like a tidal wave. Even when we don’t feel thankful (or maybe especially when we don’t feel it), it's essential to offer it anyway because our souls need a grateful spirit like flowers need the sun.
Gratitude points weary hearts toward good, holy, and life-giving things. The power of positive thinking wasn't Norman Vincent Peale's idea, but God's. He wants us to keep our minds on things above, not on the struggles that snare us. Not because God doesn't understand or care about our suffering (He wants us to share that too) but because gratitude is the gift that aligns our focus to the truth of His joy, provision, and overcoming power.
In the muck and mire of life, when the flies are biting, people are irritating, or noise threatens to drown out a holiday, gratitude can feel like an impossible sacrifice. But even if it's spoken through gritted teeth, it's right to give thanks and praise in all things, even if not for all things. It's an exercise in obedience, not emotion. In the small problems of life, and in circumstances that are much worse than someone kicking a plane seat or having a leaf blower drown out a celebration, God is worthy of our praise and thanks for who He is and what He has done and will do.
When the daily grind of life conspires to make me forget to be thankful, my lips have to speak the truth that I know in my heart. And surprisingly, by expressing the gratitude hidden there, the leaves that had been shielding my thankfulness to God and for God are blown away. And suddenly, I find that I am not only speaking my gratitude, but I’m also feeling it. And it feels good.
Happy Thanksgiving!