My Graduation Speech
Over the years, I have listened to many graduation speeches, all filled with upbeat advice on how to have a good life.
Do your best. Be Kind. Make your bed. Be curious. Follow your dreams. Give back. Serve others. Never stop learning.
This year's offerings were no exception. When two of my kids graduated (one from high school and one from college), the speakers' messages during the commencement events included Don't fill your life with should-haves, and You don't have to be perfect. Both were interesting, helpful, and engaging.
But maybe because I was feeling "final leg" parental pressure, hoping my kids had internalized the most important life lessons before leaving home, I wondered what message would benefit them most. Or maybe because the typical graduation speech didn’t seem to be enough after the long and challenging pandemic year. These students, born in the wake of 9/11 and graduating during a worldwide pandemic following one of the worst years of unrest in recent memory, already knew they would need more than goals, dreams, or intentions to live their best lives.
By May of 2021, tidbits about having successful careers or enjoying our time on earth felt somewhat hollow – like "Ted Talks" – full of good tips but not very transformational. I wish young graduates could hear the truth of what matters above all else in life, what will sustain them through it all, come what may. Because if my time on earth has taught me nothing else, it’s that the only advice anyone needs is to believe in God through Christ…that a relationship with Him is foundational to everything else in life.
But this is a message that’s not allowed in most schools. For example, during my son’s opening comments at his baccalaureate (which has historically been a religious service at his school), he had planned to include that his most significant source of strength during the pandemic came through his faith in God through Christ. But the school asked him to delete that line from his speech. Although this is not uncommon nowadays, it was nonetheless painful and shocking.
He read his pared-down welcome and then sat down, feeling disappointed, sad, and confused. He would have been allowed to share about the other aspects of himself – body or mind – but not the most important part - his spirit. As the keynote speaker began her address, I looked around at all the young, eager students, politely listening as she imparted life wisdom. Questions about their futures filled my mind. What challenges would they face? Would they suffer much or have a wonderful life? Would they live long, or would their days be cut short? Would they marry or travel life on their own? Would they discover a job they loved or flounder for years?
When I graduated college, I had my whole future planned out. I pictured a life full of fair winds and following seas. I'm glad I was such an optimistic young person, but I wasn't very realistic.
My career in the medical field lasted for five years before we had our first child and moved to another state. I never expected to stay home with four children for twenty-five years, enduring countless medical crises, growing pains, and goodbyes. I didn't realize my husband's job would have him globe-trotting while I held down the fort. Marriage has been a great adventure, but I quickly learned it wasn't as easy as I imagined – we had to work at it. And although years of volunteer work and caring for others made many special memories, they didn't give rise to a lifelong sense of meaning. Raising a family has been a wonderful experience, but the kids have grown up as children do.
As I walked the stage in my cap and gown, excitedly anticipating my future, I could not know the challenges I would face in every area of life. I also didn't realize that achievement and having a family wouldn't fill the most profound needs of my soul. Experience later proved to me that the typical commencement advice does not hold up against the realities of life.
At such a pivotal time, with the weight of the future bearing down, graduates are filled with hope and longing to pursue their dreams, and advice is helpful. Make your bed; order is good (see The Secret Power of Clean Socks). Yes, you don't have to be perfect – no one is. Yes, serve people – focusing on others over the self is a great way to live. Yes, seek the right career path - much of your life is spent at work, and finding something you enjoy is good.
But none of those bits of wisdom, no matter how helpful, lead to lasting peace, joy, or meaning. On the contrary, they only bring a fleeting sense of purpose or happiness. I know because I have tried to live by worldly wisdom many times. It always falls short.
Maybe a commencement address isn’t meant to be more than a pep talk, but at such a significant moment in those young lives, wouldn’t it be great if it were? If I was sending my child away in a boat to sail across the ocean alone, would my parting words to him be "Keep a clean boat" or "Help other boaters"? No. My most critical advice would be, "Go with God."
What or in whom we believe forms the foundation of our identity and choices, and my life experiences have proven to me that the most profound sense of security, peace, and meaning flows from knowing and loving God. Seeking Him above all else undergirds and informs every aspect of life.
We spend our days chasing many things: comfort, adventure, entertainment, and physical and emotional fulfillment. We pursue money, career success, recognition, accomplishment, and someone to share it all with. But only through faith in God do we find eternal value in the mountaintop moments, the nights in the valley, and everything in between. Only the One who created us can infuse joy and peace into our souls throughout (or despite) everything that happens to us.
Relationships, jobs, hobbies, service, etc., are only vehicles for knowing, sharing, and glorifying God. Nothing compares to the wonder of knowing Him – not marriage, children, work, love, friendship, experiences, or helping others.
God is the source of my most profound joy, my undercurrent of hope in all circumstances, and a felt assurance of being loved. Even when I’ve been in places and situations alone and scared, I’ve felt anchored by God’s peace and presence. Knowing God has comforted, guided, and upheld me throughout my life and strengthened my son during the pandemic.
I may never be asked to share the reason for my hope with graduates at a school or in any setting. But new graduates and young friends, if you're listening, here's my graduation speech:
The late, great Arthur Ashe spoke at my college commencement. And do you know what he said? Neither do I. It was undoubtedly a remarkably wonderful message, but I don't recall. Like all graduation speakers, he surely passed along some helpful words. But the truth is, when the rubber meets the road, only one thing will matter: not your body, mind, bank account, or relational life. It's your soul. Don't forget your soul. You will never be satisfied or at peace if you do. Everything else hinges on it. Care of your soul doesn't begin with focusing on yourself, pursuing your goals, or trying your best. It starts with knowing God through Christ.
So do your best to seek God. Be curious about Him. Never stop learning about Him. Follow Him as you pursue your dreams. Being kind, serving others, and giving back will flow naturally out of your love for Him. And at the end of your life – hopefully many years from now – you will never look back and realize that your worst “should have” is "I should have paid more attention to what mattered most." As you hop into your boat to sail into the rest of your life, young friends, go with God.