Where Are the Children?
My husband and I visited Alaska this summer with three of our grown children. We had never been to Alaska, but we quickly discovered that every tourist activity seemed to carry an element of danger. We hiked trails where bears and moose roamed free. We rode in boats that seemed slightly less than seaworthy on frigid seas with strong currents. A small plane carried us over rugged terrain and landed on a beach full of bears. One of the towns we visited was in a new location because the old one had dropped ten feet during an earthquake. After four days in close quarters with the captain of a sailboat (that briefly caught fire at one point), we learned that he had COVID the entire time. Then, the airline canceled our return flight home.
Our trip to Alaska felt like a metaphor for life: full of wild adventures and good memories but punctuated by danger, pitfalls, and near disasters. On the plane ride to the bear beach, as we passed uncomfortably close to a mountain on one side and watched a volcano venting smoke on the other, I questioned the sanity of my vacation choices. But more seriously, as I looked at my adult children squeezed into the small, frayed plane seats in front of me, I thought about what matters most in life. Priorities become crystal clear when death seems imminent. And my priority is that the kids know and follow Christ.
The weightiest question for all Christian parents and caregivers is whether the children we love have "saving faith" in Christ. Where are the children in matters of faith? Do they know who Jesus is and what He did? Do they put their trust in Him? Especially as they walk into adulthood, further from our influence, we pray that our kids' worldview is based on Biblical truth, not Taylor Swift lyrics or the rantings of online influencers, politicians, or nefarious characters.
We want assurance that our children's souls are safe in Christ. Because we know we were made to know and worship God. And we know that whether life brings joy or sorrow, health or disease, wealth or poverty, the kids need God to travel the road with joy and peace.
For many of us, apprehension about the faith of our children and the young people we care about runs deeper than concerns about how they will provide for themselves, whether they will find a spouse, or even if they will enjoy good health. Nothing is more critical than where they stand on this issue because it undergirds and informs everything.
Yet, despite its importance and the significant influence God has given parents in guiding children's faith, we struggle to wield that influence well. From our earliest days as parents, human nature works against us. As we seek to lead the kids to Christ, we are still maturing ourselves. We may even feel like hypocrites sometimes, struggling to live out what we believe and profess, let alone pass it on to children. I look back at some of my low moments as a parent and cringe, wishing I could have a do-over.
Then, as kids grow older, the currents of the world feel more and more powerful, pulling them in the opposite direction from God. No matter how well or poorly we lead them, our kids may become caught by those forces. How many parents have sent their kids off to college only to have their faith challenged by "wisdom of the world that is foolishness to God" (1 Corinthians 3:19)?
As they grow up and make decisions about faith, our children might decide that there is nothing beyond this earthly life and no consequences for refusing Christ. Or perhaps they will submit to the ideology that the only truth is their feelings. Or they might worship at the altar of politics or other religions, holding more passion for the climate, war, or social issues than for God.
In our quest to lead our children to a deep and genuine faith in Christ, "keeping the Lord ever before the children," as theologian Dallas Willard's mother famously phrased it on her deathbed, is challenging. Parenting often feels more like keeping schoolwork ever before the children and showing them how to clean their rooms. It seems easier to teach them how to earn a living than to live in the light of eternity.
In fact, over the many years of raising my four children, it was sometimes a battle just to keep them alive.
When one of my kids was four, he had his tonsils removed. After the surgery, his throat hurt so much that he refused to drink, becoming increasingly dehydrated. I worked tirelessly to make him drink, even bribing him with money. I promised to give him a quarter for every sip of water, but even that trick failed despite his love of coin collecting. No matter how much he needed water to heal (and live!), he refused to drink it. We ended up back at the hospital for IV fluids.
It is impossible to make kids drink literal water for physical health, let alone living water for spiritual salvation. We do not have the power or authority to enforce belief. Whether we squander our influence or not, the truth is that what our kids believe about Christ and eternity is never in our control, even when they are young. God has invited us to participate, but we are not the Holy Spirit. We cannot save the children.
So, how do we live with peace when we are not sure what our kids believe or when they do not know and follow Christ? How do we sleep at night when we know they need water but we cannot make them drink it? Especially as they enter new seasons and become more independent, how can we keep eternity before them?
We are often reminded to rest in God, trusting that He hears and responds to our parental prayers. And that is very true. However, we tend to overlook the fact that the best way to "keep eternity before the children" is by keeping it before ourselves.
Though opportunities to share our faith with words sometimes come, and our kids need to hear our faith stories, living what we believe is powerful. Living what we believe means embodying what we profess as we go about our day-to-day activities. It means not conveying that our fate rests in the results of any political election. It means not operating from a place of worry when illnesses or troubles come. It means belonging to a church, reading the Bible, and praying faithfully. It means loving our kids well and showing grace – but also speaking the truth with a heavy dose of love when necessary.
Embodying our faith in Christ means that when we fall or fail to love God, we stand back up and pursue Him again and again and again. We persevere thanks to the grace and goodness of God. And our kids see that.
As they grow older, leading children to water may be more challenging. But what a gift that, until our very last breath, we can show them what drinking the good water of Christ looks like. And no matter how old they are, how far from God they seem, or how many mistakes WE have made, we can trust that He is at work, ready with the IV the moment they hold out their arms to receive Him.
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