Growing Up

At one point during my years of parenting, all four kids were teenagers at the same time, ages 13, 15, 17, and 18. In that season, minor irritations, frustrations, and crises – combined with tiredness, busyness, and growing pains – often made me feel like a teenager, too. And sometimes, I did not just feel like a teenager; I acted like one.

Paul David Tripp wisely said that the teen years of parenting "expose our self-righteousness, our impatience, our unforgiving spirit, our lack of servant love, the weakness of our faith, and our craving for comfort and ease."* Ouch.

But it is not just parenting that lays bare our human natures and fallenness. My frailties have been brought to light by marriage, caregiving, work, and even driving. It is often the so-called “small stuff” that most clearly reveals how unholy we are.

Although becoming a Christian and receiving salvation is a one-time event (justification), growing in faith and becoming spiritually mature (sanctification) is a life-long process, a gradual work of the Holy Spirit. And just like physical growth, spiritual growth is almost imperceptible day-to-day. Sometimes, it even feels like regression.

After we accept Christ, he places us on the potter's wheel. For the rest of our lives, the wheel spins as God shapes us into the best version, the Christ-like version, of ourselves. The version he created us to be. Our hearts and souls are shaped as we live through experiences over time under the guiding hand of God. 

A few summers ago, I took a pottery class with some of my kids. I thought making a pot looked so easy and fun until I tried to throw one on the wheel myself. Every attempt ended as an ugly lump of clay. It turns out that making a pot is not as easy as I believed. And neither is being made into something new. Although I have been a Christian for decades, sometimes I still feel like a lump of clay, taking shape at a snail’s pace and needing much more work. 

But even though spiritual maturity is a long process of refinement by God's design, it is also slower than it needs to be due to our resistance. We hinder our progress by being uncooperative and refusing to consistently hold on to what we have already attained. Even when we are not actively or consciously fighting God, we resist growth by being complacent, seeking comfort, or being lazy. Only when something challenging happens do we recognize our stagnation. 

We make the mistake of viewing our spiritual growth through the lens of our physical experience. When we were children, we could not wait to become adults, imagining freedom and fun. Then, we became adults and had to support ourselves, pay the bills, and make our own meals. In the physical realm, life seemed easier as a child. But the inverse is true with spiritual maturity. The closer we draw to God and the more we grow up in the faith, the lighter our burdens become.

Or perhaps we believe the lie that whatever we are clinging to - pet sins, idols, or comfort objects - is better and more precious than God. Only when we finally release them do we realize our error.

Once, when I was maybe 8 or 9 years old, I found a baby bottle while cleaning the kitchen with my mom. Immediately, it sparked subconscious memories of comfort and nourishment. Delighted with the find, I washed it, filled it with water, and drank from it. My mom and I laughed at my silliness, but what had seemed like a good idea suddenly felt embarrassing. I had outgrown the bottle many years before when I was a baby. Cheeks flaming, I threw it away and decided I preferred drinking from a cup. 

And yet, I often find myself drinking again from a baby bottle in my spiritual life instead of moving on to solid food – forgetting what I have attained and regressing to spiritual infancy. This tendency shows up in many ways, like when I neglect daily prayer and Bible reading and try to run on my own steam and ideas yet again. Or when I fall back into habits I have outgrown. Or when I watch or read something I no longer find palatable, only to have bad dreams. Or when I rely on someone or something other than God for comfort and security. 

The more we mature in Christ and experience the value of eating solid food, the less attractive being a spiritual baby feels. Once we understand the abundant benefits of growing up in faith, we begin to long for it. First and foremost, spiritual maturity brings us closer and closer to God – building an increasingly intimate and deepening connection with him. That is why he made us and why he sent Jesus to die for us – to be with us and share his love with us.

Growing up in the faith also bears fruit that benefits others, like peace, joy, love, patience, and kindness. Sanctification strengthens our foundation, leading to greater resilience when we suffer and ever-growing wisdom to navigate the changes that come with age.

Another advantage of spiritual maturity is that it helps us distinguish truth from lies in a complex world. It also enables us to love others well and extend undeserved grace in a culture of hostility and wrath. In other words, drawing nearer to God as we grow spiritually helps us love our neighbor as we love ourselves. 

Although the slow pace of growth can be discouraging, and our inexplicable reluctance to participate can be frustrating, God assures us that he is inwardly renewing us day by day. He is not surprised at where we are in the process – our sanctification is in his care. As Dane Ortlund says in his book Deeper: "You can't crowbar your way into change. You can only be melted…the gospel is what changes us."** We can look forward expectantly to what he will do next in our hearts when we show up and receive. God gives us everything we need to grow, including the desire, the tools to show us the way, and the people to encourage us along the path.

Growing up in Christ may be a long, slow journey - by design and our resistance. But it is a good journey, surprising and rewarding in the present and the future. We only need to put ourselves into God's hands every day. Then, holding onto what we have gained with a willing spirit, we press forward, face turned to Christ and refusing to drink from the baby bottle when he has already moved us on to solid food.

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*Tripp, Paul David. (2001). Age of Opportunity. Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing.

**Ortlund, Dane. (2021). Deeper: Real Change for Real Sinners. Wheaton, IL: Crossway.

Cover photo credit: Ellie Burgin on Pexels