Emotional Pollen

We are mercurial creatures, plagued by many changing forces:  health status, sleep level, stresses, responsibilities, age, maturity, spiritual state, etc. Each of these variables bounces inside us like balls in a bingo machine, affecting our ability to interact well with others. As aspects of our inner being and outward circumstances change, the "bingo balls" inside us tend to feed and inflame our feelings, adding size and weight until they balloon up, crowding out our good sense.

Recently, I attended a small outdoor wedding. As the bride processed down the grassy "aisle" next to me, my right eye watered, and a sneeze threatened to burst forth, a reaction to a blooming plant nearby. Stifling my body's natural response to the allergen was nearly impossible.

In the same way, emotions - arising from my inner physical or mental state or in reaction to the words or behaviors of those around me - can be tough to manage. All may be quiet in my world one minute, and I have a wonderful sense of calm and equilibrium. The next moment, it's as if a layer of emotional pollen has been blasted with a leaf blower all over my insides. The resulting tumult of dust can take a while to settle. While the cloud obscures my view, I often make missteps that compound the problem. I spew the dust outwardly at others, and an unfortunate spiral begins.

We can't always control how our systems will react to nature's pollen, nor can we control what unbidden feelings emerge in reaction to the emotional dust of others. And we would never want to erase the richness that emotions bring our lives - God gave them to us as a gift. However, we must continually grow in our ability to keep feelings in check, not allowing them to overpower us or override our good sense. Otherwise, we risk not only affecting others negatively but suffering ourselves. More importantly, our witness as a Christian also suffers.

Ideally, we started learning to manage emotions in childhood. As adults, we can continue this training: learning to direct and train our thoughts. We can choose with intention how to care for and feed our minds, bodies, and souls. These actions help mediate powerful feelings. But other factors that fuel our emotions – such as the behaviors and words of those around us - cannot always be managed. For example, if we have a dramatic child, an angry co-worker, or a loved one suffering loss.

Our interconnectedness as humans is such a sweet gift. Relating to people brings happiness, comfort, fun, peace, and a cure for loneliness. But that same gift of connection can also lead to pain as we inflict negative moods on each other, leading to frustration, irritation, unrest, and anxiety.

I am not in control of the lives, hearts, and minds of the people in my household or my daily path any more than I am in control of the pollination of the trees around my house. I can feel perfectly content, but it affects me if someone in my orbit struggles to control their emotions. Even an angry driver on the road or an unhappy store clerk can cause a sudden shift in my emotional trajectory.

Each day, I wake up feeling a renewed commitment to live what I believe – to embody Christian ideals and please the Lord. I vow not to overreact, whatever may come my way, internally or externally. I long to be more loving and patient, other-focused, and spiritually mature in my emotional expression.

Then I check my phone or interact with another human, and my calm assurance of living like Christ flies out the window. A grumpy child, a worrisome call about a family member's health concerns, an issue with the car, a growing pile of tasks – new problems pollinate daily, and they hit me like the spring bloom.      

There are days when I feel like a failure after being tossed about like a dingy in the sea of tasks, stresses, and other people's problems and feelings. I find myself reacting rather than reassuring, grumbling rather than encouraging, and demonstrating irritability rather than patience and love. I found this to be especially true with a house full of teenagers.

What can we do? Keeping our emotions in check, responding in godly ways, and not being overly swayed by the acted-out feelings of others is critical to a life of peace.

My reaction to nature’s pollen is to feel stuffy, sneezy, tired, and sometimes even grumpy as my body tries to rid itself of the intrusive powder. I received allergy shots for years and used antihistamine medications to help my body deal with symptoms. But the only prevention for out-of-control emotions and reactions is to train the mind and spirit to maturity. This requires God’s grace, working in us through reading the Bible, praying, accountability, worship, and experience.

One day recently, after wishing for the millionth time that I could react perfectly to someone else’s emotions, I read Jesus's words to a sinful woman who had visited Him at a dinner: "Your sins are forgiven…Your faith has saved you. Go in peace." The last three words resonated deeply. My goal is to consistently “go in peace.” God desires this for me because He's already made it possible. He has already pre-treated the emotional pollen in my heart through Christ.

But in my humanity, I know it’s inevitable that I will occasionally fail. As allergy shots helped but didn't eradicate my seasonal allergies, my efforts to control my emotions will not erase occasional excesses. Instead, I have to turn to God for His grace. He doesn’t want me to berate myself with a club of disappointment but tells me to come to Him confidently, recognizing that He made me and understands my condition. Salvation and grace are His gifts. Emotional maturity is a process linked closely to our spiritual maturity. My peace is based on the salvation and grace He offers, but maturity only comes as I continue to do what He says based on the truth.

My emotions will ebb and flow as I continue to grow, and my feelings and reactions won't always align with my beliefs and desires. But God's love and mercy don’t ebb and flow. They remain consistent and sufficient, enabling me to go in peace…no matter how high the emotional pollen count is each day.

Why do you think God gave us emotions? What is their value? How do you assess your emotional pollen count? Does being more aware of your emotional status help you navigate relationships? What daily practices could help to keep emotions from ruling your interactions and help to ground your actions and relationships on truth instead?